Hope, excitement, creativity…..oh and soon a baby

Hope, excitement, creativity…..oh and soon a baby

Time draws ever closer to the baby’s arrival, and doesn’t my body know it. I sleep in a half light, a half thought, a half here and half there mind where I have no control over my thoughts and excitement- this is all mingled by the countless visits I make to the bathroom in the night as the baby fluffs up my bladder like a feather pillow, or in my case, a foot stool seeing as our little one has chosen to remain breech (is this an insight into things to come? A naughty Cranmer?). At 38 weeks; I do not waddle but have started to suffer with major lower back ache and my joints have seemed to have loosened further in an attempt to trip me up!

A strange thing has happened, I may still be atrociously tired and napping an hour an half a day, but my creative side is lifting to the surface once more… I think. I’m sure this light bubble of erratic creative sparks are sure to be dispersed as further sleepless nights ensue, but it does offer a glimmer of hope and hope is what I need! My brain has seemed to have suffered the most throughout as I wrote here  and  here . But I am hopeful, eerily hopeful. This odd sense of hopefulness set in on Saturday out of the blue, you know, in that funny way that life opens up to you, or like a strange whisper in the breeze, it just flurries in, passes through the fine membranes of your skin and settles deep within your bones. This may be my last post for a while and I find myself rambling and tripping up on my thoughts which are jumbled yet focused all at once- focused on what lays ahead, what may lay ahead even. I’ve loved every moment of this pregnancy, it has had its gut-wrenching fearful moments but it has been one of the most magical experiences to have ever graced our lives. You forget the little niggles and aches and continue plodding along, and at last, I will be able to return to my novel and rewrite the pregnancy section in it as I now have  first hand experience.

Well there we have it! A moment of clarity I think. It’s a vaguely familiar friend, not one that I had much of a relationship with even before pregnancy but I still know what it looks like. It looks like a shimmering light, a starry sky, a glare, a smile, beauty in the norm and that warmth that suddenly sets in.

Warmth- my corner on the couch

On Sunday as the snow fell fast and thick, I watched  it settle and claim its surroundings. I declared that there was no way I’d be venturing out and set the husband on the task of making cheese scones whilst he baked the weekly loaf. But as time wore on, and I wore the carpet out by pacing it from one window to the other, huffing and whining like a trapped animal, Mr C said, “shall we just go out?” To which I uttered, “well ok then!” and so we ventured out! 

Delicious Cheese Scones!
A beautiful Origami mobile made by a lovely friend!

A corner of sunshine on my desk. I’ve been buying a bunch every week and I never tier of them

Last night I was tagged by a friend on instagram to do a widn photo (that’s short for ‘what I’m doing now’ and yes, I am clueless and had to google its meaning) I had just gotten out of a warm lavender bath where I read and dampened the pages by my soapy fingertips and settled back in my warm corner whilst Mr C made me a hot chocolate with marshmallows.

About zehra

COMMENTS to zehra

  1. So lovely to find your blog from your comment. I've replied. Wishing you lots of luck for your impending arrival. Love the style of your blog too. I'm a screenwriter and director and remember that creative surge towards the end too. It's a special time x

  2. A beautiful post – I remember so clearly that limbo just before the baby arrived, so torturous, yet delicious – like sitting on the edge of a precipice. SO excited for you, and wishing you every good thought!

Leave a Reply to zehra Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *