I think it’s safe to say, I’m no Barbara Kingsolver who was able to type with one hand as she ‘nursed’ her baby although I have learned how to feed my baby whilst feeding myself- woohoo, and I’m sure I won’t be anything like Daphne du Maurier, who was able to physically shut her children out in order to write as my child is constantly locked onto my chest either in a sling or in my arms like this very moment , and I don’t see myself changing- I’ll always want her close by. So what kind of a parent/writer will I be? A decent one I hope. I’ve already started building her library, I ordered seven books in a space of 10 minutes as I unglued my eyelids one morning (apps make ordering far too easy, this could be dangerous…).
|Here are a few of those books… I’m Ayla is enjoying them|
The fact that she is only 6 wks old is of no consequence. I read to her with gusto, hoping it will ignite her literary thirst, and sure enough her head rocks side to side as I put on varying voices and her eyes widen so I must be getting something right! or I’m doing some sort of damage to her mental stability (who is mum talking to? who the hell is the Gruffalo ?)
I’ve learnt a few things about myself as a mother & it turns out- sometimes much to the husband’s consternation, I’m a bit of a hippy. I’m a baby-wearing mum who likes to sleep beside her little one, it turned out that the cot pushed against the bed with the drop side down wasn’t enough and for now she sleeps in the bed beside me (she sleeps in a star shape & I sleep wedged on my side between her & the husband, we often sing “and the little one says roll over!” I like it when her little hand brushes against me, reassuring her that I am there.
|Who wouldn’t want to wake up to this great yawning face!?|
Baby-wearing – 2wk old Ayla
|cooking with Ayla|
Windswept after walking the dog
I believe in the parent attachment philosophy- especially the don’t let them cry policy (say no to that ‘let them cry it out’ crap- it only releases harmful stress chemicals- why just why would you do that!?) I’ve also learnt that I’m a lot less anxious in certain situations although I haven’t braved public transport which seems to be far more daunting than public breast feeding which I tackled recently – apologies to all those I may have flashed inadvertently. A lot of my anxiousness dissipated after ceasing to read everything on the net and leaflets that you get given and I began to follow my own gut feeling. Lucy from ‘Lulastic and the hippyshake’ writes beautifully about trusting yourself here.
Motherhood- oh my god, I’m a mother! (please don’t hate me when you’re 16! )is probably the hugest learning curve I’ll ever smack in to. It wasn’t the easiest journey but it has taught me so much. Life can be utterly beautiful and I know this because I want to share everything with her- “feel the heat of that sun Ayla” “look at those buds bursting forth” feel that breeze in your face” (that’s enough, don’t catch a cold! Like that moment in Kramer Vs Kramer when Hoffman is teaching his son to cycle but shouts out “not too far” as his son gets the knack of it & starts to cycle away).
|Those buds bursting forth|
The love is intense, beautiful and awe-filling, how has my heart not exploded? My father said something beautiful today, he said that he and my mother get to experience this joy double; the joy of having a beautiful granddaughter & the joy in seeing how happy we are.
And that’s what she is. She is pure joy.
|Me & my mother (she’s pretty darn pretty & my outfit isn’t too shabby)|
|My first mothers day|