Did you feel the moon? I certainly did, even if you don’t believe in its pull on our emotions, it doesn’t matter. I know what I felt. All of Friday I felt agitated and on edge as though I were walking the parameters of my cage.I felt this overwhelming sadness which I realised quickly was in fact desire; desire to work, to do well in my endeavours and to live life. As the evening drew in, I felt this angst , this desire and a misplaced anger, or maybe it was frustration. Then I saw the moon. Large and gleaming boldly… and I knew, ‘ohhhhh’ I said, ‘no wonder’ and felt at ease. Not because I blamed the moon, which of course I did, but because I realised it was a reminder, it needs to remind us of our place, of what we are doing, what we want to do, and goads us to continue on the path that we sometimes lose sight of. I'm thankful for the nudge, I surely needed it.
Friday evening brought about one of those 'aha' moments... as I sat on the couch kitting, I had a glimpse of my path which had been covered by overgrown shrubbery and weeds it was bizarrely clear and only in an instant, the fact that I'm edging closer to 27 had a huge part of it. We make plans, and arrange deadline, 'by this age, I want to have accomplished so and so' well you know how it is.... The only way to survive this life is to move that goal post a bit, one has to be flexible or you will shatter under the pressure, or snap when you realise you can not bend, so bend.
It's true, I've been awfully distracted recently, unable to concentrate on one thing (low iron it turns out) but after talking to Mr C , who is forever my true north, the one that really pulls me in and says 'there,there' I became focused again. What I have learnt is not to focus on what you don't have and on what you think you need, you probably already have it.