Oh dear, yet another autumnal blog post; each one a different leaf, some are torn, some pale and others are burning red and orange. I am here at my writing desk- a fold out one, the same one that I used back at home when I began writing Casting Shadows. This desk once faced a triangle of trees, I'd watch the leaves turn then fall to the ground. There was always such joy, there was always a flutter in my heart as the orange glow rose up to my window in the most beautiful smooth waves. I look out now, the same desk in a different setting, ten minutes away from my parent’s house, there are no trees here. On the street to the left, there are a number of trees where I know the leaves lay upon the floor.
I watch the children in the morning heading to school with their parents, holding beautiful golden leaves which they have collected along the way. Something that I had always done. I haven’t done that this year. I haven’t even taken many pictures, my photo albums are abundant with each year’s orange glow, this year’s remains vacant, blank, non-existent. What I have managed to do this year is collect a few conkers, at the moment they line my bag, they fall out as I pull my purse out, and I smile, I still have the conkers. I collected them when Mr Cranmer and I took a beautiful autumnal walk in Greenwich Park. I’m always the happiest as I climb the parks steep heels, my boots ploughing into the mud as the squirrels dart about. Every now and then I would bend down, inspect a conker and slip it into my bag. I’ve always found it hard to be sad there.
last weekend at my parent's
I have been working very hard this October, fixing up Casting Shadows which has never looked better. It s finally ready, I believe, and so I’ve started to send it out to agents and publishers again. Although I love the change in the air, as soon as the days altered, I entered hibernation mode. For the first two weeks, I found it impossible to stay awake past 3 pm and found myself napping between 45 mins to an hour, but I just about adjusted. With autumn, comes warm soups, so far I've only made two, but I love the warmth in the colour of the squash that I roasted the other day, along with the beautiful reds of the Pomegranate. I have to fall back into the colour, back into the warmth and back into autumn.
This morning, the skies are blue and the sun is hitting the houses opposite me in a bearable way. I’m thankful, thankful that Mr Cranmer supports my writing and has provided a nook for my desk, but I will keep dreaming about my trees, because if we don’t keep dreaming, then we might as well give up now. Today I shall work hard and later, I shall pay a visit to the park, with my camera. I long to be immersed in the orange once more.
The view from my window now; a cat sat on my wall.